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Let it Be…the answer to your heart

// October 26th, 2009 // Dichotomy of being, Family, Friends, Innerself, Loved Ones, Sociability, Stuff

One of the strangest clues I wish I’d noticed earlier in the year was my lack of listening to music. Now it seems as I wake up fully, I’m constantly singing or rediscovering some of my favorite bands and songs. Even better is finding songs that actually spark new thoughts and new directions in my heart and soul…

And when the broken hearted people living in the world agree,
there will be an answer, let it be.
For though they may be parted there is still a chance that they will see,
there will be an answer. let it be.

We all await the answers to our hearts, to the questions in our souls. I used to think that the fear that the answer wouldn’t be what you want was the worst thing of all. Not at all I know now, quite to the contrary. The hardest part is waiting with baited breath, every cell anticipating, needing to know, needing that sense of resolution and knowing that no matter what there is no way to hurry it along, no way to have the solution, no way to resolve things without patience. Now that I know that it’s a lot easier to find the strength to just wait and focus on what it is that’s important: health, humility and above all being comfortable with lack of control :D

Thank you Beatles for pointing that stuff out to me :D

This weekend was a cathartic kismet roller coaster leading me to and fro inside and outside of my heart. Almost like an acid trip only of sobriety and understanding. If I didn’t know better I’d guess I dreamed all or most of it. all in all it keeps leading me back to what I somehow always knew to be true but even more bizarrely somehow forgot for awhile, I love my wife, my lady, my best friend, my confidant, my lover. I love you Zoe and I’ve been giving some thought to what you said to me the last time we spoke.

You’re absolutely right, there is no way we can go back to the early days of our relationship, our marriage….I don’t want that. It wasn’t stable or all that healthy. I want something more and you deserve something more. I want an incredible loving, passionate, respectful marriage with you. I love you with all my heart and am doing my best to leave you alone right now even though all of me wants to fight for your heart. I understand now that talking isn’t the way to fix us. Me fixing our finances, budget, my attitude and my anger is what it will take to do so. I am fixing all of that as well as I can and just hope it is enough for you.

Namaste!

To all of the new friends I made this week and to those friends that have been my guides through the wilderness I’ve travelled heart and soul through the last 30 days I thank you from the bottom of my heart and appreciate the clarity, growth, acceptance and above all understanding you’ve given me.