Fight or Flight Club

I’ve been thinking quite a bit lately about how my life needed a massive shift to align better with who I used to be and at my core really am. Last night while enjoying some breakfast with a friend I jokingly said that the way my life has changed so much in the last week plus my insomnia made me feel a bit like maybe I wasn’t me anymore. My own Tyler Durden moment (I do so love shopping at Ikea too) Maybe my subconscious had stepped in and started making sure that I better embraced my own needs a bit more. Who knows just typing this makes me feel a. pretentious and b. slightly insane but then I suppose maybe that’s exactly the sort of me shaped object I am.

What’s really interesting is realizing more and more that in order for me to be truly happy I need to embrace the person I was from age 19-22 much, much more.  I lived life in many ways like a hippy or beatnik. I worked when I needed money, I slept if I needed to but above all I never compromised my own values or ethics while at the same time keeping to my promise to always be equally mutually beneficial to any interactions I had. I forgot that along the way and that imbalance contributed to a lot of hurt to a lot of people who didn’t deserve it including myself. The adage “be true to yourself” means accepting the flaws inherent to who you are too.

I’m by no means glossing over my own immaturities throughout my life but there is a certain raw natural instinct that guides us at that age before the outside world forces us to change to be a better fit in society. The real question then is how useful is society if it requires that we not be ourselves (obvious nonharmful to others qualifier). So much of our society is about making a better you with stuff and lesser so on excelling on being ourselves.Why can’t we instead work towards promoting a better species instead of just being a vast network of interdependent snake oil salesmen.

So who is this new me? Or rather what is the “me” that has returned? That’s really an observational thing so find me somewhere at any of my favorite Portland haunts and see for yourself :D